Untold Stories of the BR - The BullCr*pper Award!
Every rally there are stories that go untold, or are only known to a select few. Many of them are inside jokes, or are shared only with family and friends. But every year the stories get wilder and wilder. This year was no different. Finally surfacing a few months after the 2011 rally - a story so strange, that it could only happen on Bullrun.
This is an untold story of the BR!
It’s day seven of the rally, and the Navigator Award contenders know who they are. There were only three teams that could possibly claim the all important title, so it was vital to prove navigational superiority on the last day.
As the cars staged on Church Street, a full-bellied Todd Kraines wandered over to the matte-gold wrapped Mercedes C63 AMG. Todd was Claus’ secret weapon on the rally. We all know Joaquin has superior navigational skills, but Claus wanted to make sure that his team would win the Navigator Award.
Todd sat down in the back seat next to the camera man. The rally was moments away from starting.
The white GT-R of Seth Rose and Tony King sat up at the front of the grid, Team CEC’s number one rival. There was no way that Claus was going to let them out navigate him on the final day. It was crunch time.
As the route cards were handed out, the Bullrunners learned that they were heading to the Palm Beach International Raceway. Finally, a chance to lay the rubber down on the track!
After quickly escaping the congestion that was Orlando, Florida, the Bullrunners headed South down the turnpike to the raceway. The lead pack consisted of Claus’ Team CEC, Seth and Tony in the Hudson Jeans GT-R, and Robby Gordon in the pre-production Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8.
Running seven minutes behind the lead pack was the red Jeep SRT-8 of Team JebAng! As Jeb, Angela, their Navigator, Jody St. Clair and 2-year-old Gianna cruised along the highway, Jeb received a call from his good friend Claus.
The nature of his call was somewhat startling. Claus’ navigator supremo apparently overindulged on the waffles at breakfast and was ready to let his insides explode.
Jeb recalls the experience, not knowing that he, his wife and daughter would soon be picking up a guest on the side of the road.
“Claus calls me to tell me that there is an extreme emergency - his back-up Navigator and spotter, Todd Kraines has to make a pit-stop,” he said. “But Claus can’t stop anywhere else or else he will lose his position. He asked me what mile marker we were and determined that we were approximately seven minutes behind him.”
Jeb said he could hear moaning in the background. Todd was urging Claus to pull over so he could empty his bowels – but Claus wouldn’t let him.
“I could hear moaning in the background of whom I believe to be Todd saying ‘Claus, pull over! I cannot hold this in any longer! Give me a paper bag’ I could then hear unanimously from Joaquin to the Camera guy saying ‘no no wait wait!!!’
Claus then proceeded to quiet down everyone in his car. He had a plan.
Over the phone, Claus asked Jeb if he had any wet wipes in the car. Luckily for Claus, there were.
As he reached mile marker 127, Claus pulled over onto the side of the road and dropped Todd off. He then took off down the road, leaving his secret weapon, Todd, in the dust. What was Todd supposed to do now? He quickly bolted for the bushes and let nature do its work.
As Team JebAng approached Mile Marker 127, from a distance, they saw a figure jump out of the tall grass, frantically waving and shouting. Hot and sweaty, Todd was all too happy to climb aboard the Jeep with the Lopez crew.
In the end, Team JebAng! Showed up to the checkpoint in 12th. As for Claus – he navigated to the raceway ahead of the pack, coming in first.
“Todd commented that he has never had his other end feel like a b*tch because it was doing all these muscle contractions just to hold it in,” Jeb said. “He was turning cold and was about to turn Claus' fast sauerkraut into the smelliest vehicle in the rally.”
Todd now carries a box of wet wipes everywhere he goes and yes, Gianna lent him a few wipes on the way to Palm Beach International Raceway.
Just a few weeks ago, Todd was presented with the BullCr*pper Award by Claus Ettensberger of Team CEC and Team JebAng!
The BullCr*pper award is presented to the individual or group during the Bullrun Live Rally that had to make an extreme pit-stop, yet still place in the top 3 of a checkpoint or final destination. Who will win it in 2012?